Good Children

Tapping Along

When I told The Husband that I wanted to go the the T-Tapp fitness retreat next year, he mumbled something about a cult and laughed at me.

"Ok, it sounds like a cult but it's not a cult," I stammered. "No one is pressuring me to buy more DVD's or upgrade to a better system. Plus I'm getting results, aren't I?"

I am.

My inch loss is nowhere near as radical as advertised. I figured that being as sedentary as I was that getting off the couch to do any movement for 15 minutes to an hour a day would mean instant need for a new wardrobe. Not so much.

However, in the five months that I have been doing this exercise with very little change in diet (I tried the 2 days on, 1 day off and quit shortly thereafter), I have lost (or gleefully unloaded) several inches. Some of the best include a loss of 2" from my rib cage, 4.5" off the waist, 4" off the abdomen, and 2.5" off my hips -- one of those inches just came off last week.

It's all very slow going so sometimes I have to focus on my increased energy, the fact that the crepitus in my knees is almost gone, or that I rarely experience lower back pain anymore from schlepping the kids around. I spent five minutes the other day staring at a newly defined calf muscle and find myself doing double takes when looking at my arms as they are taking a new shape.

I have so much further to go but I'm glad that I've found a program that I can stick with for the long haul.

Has Imagination Movers Jumped the Shark?

I'm not crazy about the Imagination Movers. I find the show pretty annoying and I think a couple of the Movers would really get under my skin if I had to endure any time with them in line at Rouse's or Whole Foods.

Lately they've started incorporating guests onto their show. A lot of children's shows have done this successfully; engaging both parent and tyke alike. The Muppet Show was a hit for years. Jack Black was on Yo Gabba Gabba . My favorite Sesame Street episodes as of late feature Amy Sedaris, Brian Williams, Jenny McCarthy and Will Arnett. Hilarious.

But who do we get with Imagination Movers? Willie Garson as "Pants Armstrong." Don't get me wrong, Garson was great in Sex and the City but was this the producers idea of a good celebrity guest? Seriously? Worse yet, perhaps the producers didn't know he has an acting history.

Yes, this are the things that concern me on Saturday mornings in front of the Disney Channel. Welcome to my brain. It's a tough life, I know.

Throwdown at Sam's Club

The first thing I do when I get to Sam's Club is get in line for a pretzel which is usually just enough to keep the kids quiet for me to get what I need.

I go to get in line and I'm already a bit miffed at spending $321 at the vets office earlier today on my cat's bladder infection and at a woman who is unknowingly cutting me in line.

When the cashier is free I wait for her to finish her conversation with a co-worker and give my order. Upon the second telling of said order, the woman behind me in line moves my cart -- with my two kids in it -- for no apparent reason. With an incredulous expression and half smile on my face (perhaps she did not know what she was doing) I ask, "are you pushing my kids around?"

I then say under my breath, something that she may or may not have heard but it was, "what is wrong with you?" Except with an expletive that rhymes with "duck."

I turn back to the cashier and the woman behind me swings my cart around to reposition hers and I hear Daisy let out a frightened cry.

"Please don't do that again," I growled.

"You're the one getting an attitude because I moved your cart," she shot back.

It was at this moment that the following words started flashing neon in my brain, "IS THIS WORTH IT?"

I was one thing strand away from letting loose and attacking this woman. Even after she wisely got her ass away from me, I had to stop myself from destroying the purchased items in her cart and/or ramming her with said cart. Neither of these would set very good examples for my children and I'm not sure that I would have a very good time spending the evening in Jefferson Parish lock-up. Such a thing might affect my DAR application.

The Great Disney Deception

Lemmings do not follow each other over cliffs and commit suicide. I've been duped all these years.

There goes a perfectly good expression.

Crazies

At the last Rising Tide conference there was a panel on health which quickly turned into a panel on mental health and the lack of services thereof. One of the speakers (I'm being vague on purpose) spoke of a volunteer program in New Orleans doing crisis intervention with the NOPD.

The volunteers work with the officers in a variety of circumstances whether it's talking down a bridge jumper or picking up someone who has been off their medication for too long and bringing them to the hospital.

I decided to go for it. I had an interview last night and I kept trying to be PC about the whole thing -- I couldn't tell how much of the interview was calculated questioning or just banter. For example, I was asked what I thought of the naked burglar. I resisted using such words as "crazy," "nutcase," and "whackjob." I don't think that it would have mattered if I had -- sensitivity is not something that any police department is known for.

I keep asking myself just "why" anyone would volunteer for such a thing. For me, it comes down to beefing up my resume a bit. There are other perks too like getting a uniform and using those fancy blue lights so I'm pretty excited. The Husband doesn't get it either though he is envious that I'll get to use the police radio.

I'm sure this position would make for great blog fodder but I've learned my lesson. I was "dooced" before it was even a verb and although being accused of moral corruption by a Catholic priest is an experience I will not likely forget, it wouldn't be nearly as bad as pissing off the NOPD.

So yeah, I'll be trucking crazies around the city twelve hours a month and I'm looking forward to it.

Trolls and Bridges

My opinion of this matter differs significantly from the commenters on Nola.com. I would love to see the parish of Jefferson take a huge financial hit for denying passage over the Crescent City Connection in the days following Katrina.

Bastards.

Babies Everywhere!

Within the past month several friends have had new babies. I just finished shopping for a friend's shower next weekend. In the middle of writing out a card to one of the newest arrivals, I caught myself thinking, "babies everywhere!" Then I was reminded of the commercial below. Brilliant.

Crime & Punishment

Enrique Gonzales of Fresno tattooed a small gang symbol on his seven-year-old. He was first charged with aggravated mayhem which can carry a life sentence. The charges have now been lessened to cruel and inhumane treatment of a child which can get him seven years.

In North Carolina a Johnny Eric Marlowe circumcised his own son with a box cutter after watching a tutorial on YouTube. He received 150 days in jail. Marlowe of NC was actually charged with circumcising TWO of this sons but they could only make one of them stick.

I came across both of these stories today. When I read the first story on Nola.com I considered what would have happened if some misguided white mother tattooed a small butterfly on her daughter's belly. A trip from social services? Undoubtedly. Jail time? Unlikely.

I'm guessing that at seven, tattoo removal with minimal scarring is possible. Genital mutilation on the other hand cannot be reversed. Funny how our cultural standards of child abuse have evolved.

[via Nola.com and Babble]

Strolling

The first time that I bought a used double stroller off Craigslist, I drove all the way out to Destrehan to pick it up. While I was driving I thought to myself, "isn't this where all the Saints players live?"

Sure enough, my Peg Perego came from a Saints home. The story would be better if I knew the player's name but I don't usually pay attention to those sorts of things (those "things" being sports). I've also been to the home of a Dirty Bird but that's another story.

Two double strollers later and it was time for an upgrade. Between my growing kids and our fabulous sidewalks, it was time to get something more manageable. Enter the longest craigslist transaction EVER.

I'm an impatient person -- I admit this but I'm also used to local internet transactions happening rather quickly. I posted an ad looking for a stroller on August 30th. The seller replied to me on September 4th and I didn't get my hands on the stroller until yesterday, October 1st. I think sometimes I forget that normal people don't check their email six times a day.

I am now the proud owner of a seven-year-old Baby Jogger in good shape. The fabric is really faded but at least I can resell it for what I paid for it (or more). It came from a gorgeous home in the Garden District. I may not have such an enviable address but now I've got a second-hand fancy stroller!

I've been anxious to get a new double stroller so I can WALK to pick Addy up at school rather than drive. It saves me from the school pickup anxiety (seriously, it's mayhem in the mornings and afternoons) and gets me a nice three-mile-walk.

Of course, this new activity will probably last two, maybe three days but that's why I bought used.

No hope, no harm

Last night I dreamt that Ms. Shelley Midura was counseling me on how I can best volunteer at City Hall. Near the end of our conversation I asked her for whom I should cast my vote in the mayoral election. She gave me a name (someone that is not running -- or even exists for all I know) and I replied, "oh, that's who Judge Landrum-Johnson is supporting."

WTF? This hopeless mayoral race has taken over my subconscious.